Project Big Head
by Historia70
Summary: Dib will do anything to get any evidence against Zim or the paranormal. This will be random snippets.
1. Base hijinks age 18

Midnight. On a rather nice evening out where it was none to warm and none to cold, sat deep in the bushes in a neighboring yard next to a really strange looking green house, was, Dib dressed in head to toe black. The only part of him that showed was his mouth, nose, huge glasses and not so pale skin. His skin itched with excitement as he planned inside his head on what he will do inside that house to expose, Zim. He noticed he walked out of the house whistling after looking this way and that. He guessed that, Zim thought he was being swift in not being watched, but was stupid enough to announce.

"WELL! What a nice night for ZIM! To take a walk in." Announcing in his typical third person way, before stretching, and wandering off with his hands behind his back while whistling down the street.

Dib arched his eyebrow up still wondering how the general population was this insanely stupid not to notice that he wasn't a human.

Waiting for a sufficient amount of time that he was gone, he quickly ran around the backside of the yard he was in, and go through the backyard. He had no idea why he always insisted on going through the front. Ignoring that obvious answer that his own sister would provide, he ran through the back and jumped to the backyard. Landing on the grass there, he quickly noted no defenses were there. Huh? That was crazy.

"Oh well I don't have enough time to ponder that right now since I have serious alien kicking to do." Dib posed heroically as a wind kicked through, but couldn't run through his hair or trench. Thinking how silly he looked like that, he took out his climbing gear, and lifted the rope up, spinning it around in a quick circle before releasing it with the grappling hook attaching to the top part of the roof.

Huh? No defenses there either. How idiotic. Okay this is way too easy now.

Hooking himself up he started climbing up to the top, but noticed that one of the windows was open. Gir had to of left it open. He always remembered, Zim screaming at him to close the window and doors. Nevertheless, he activated his cloaking on his suit and climbed into the window. He had to remember to be quiet this time since last time his voice didn't help him none.

Looking at all the various wires and cables, he silently connected himself to them and walked upside down. Gir was on the couch watching The Scary Monkey Show and devouring massive amounts of tacos and burritos. Where did he put all that? Oh well, he couldn't ponder that as he silently moved around, well he thought it was silent until, Gir stopped what he was doing to question something around him. Looked around dumbfounded, shrugged, before resuming to look at the t.v again.

"Whew." Dib whispered then slammed his hand to his mouth at his own ignorance when Gir launched up off the couch, eyes turning red and a weapon came out of him.

"WHO GOES THERE?" Gir asked in an authoritative manner. When no reply came forth for several seconds, his eyes turned cyan, before he hopped into the kitchen.

_I've got to stop doing that_, Dib thought to himself. Looking around, he remembered there was several ways of getting down into his base, so quickly making sure, Gir was sufficiently busy in the kitchen, he ran over to a stand, touched something, and it lifted up allowing him inside before bringing him down. Breathing a sigh of relief, he relaxed until he was at his destination. Or at least what he thought to be his destination as he calmly waited for the doors to open up in the elevator hoping to see his lab, but what he found was a pool full of large squid.

Eyes wide that he was about to step out into that, he was about to press the button, when the elevator tilted seemingly to offer him up as an snack. Screaming, and hands out wide to the side of the doors to prevent him from going into the pool, he thought on how to get back up until a tendril wrapped around his leg and started pulling him out of the elevator and waving him around making him scream like a high pitched little girl. Wildly thinking on how to get out of this mess, while hopefully not messing his shorts, he was surprised when the tendril released him making him fly hard into a wall of another open elevator that instantly snapped shut.

Breathing heavily, as he laid face down on the ground, he quickly placed his hands randomly around him to make sure he was really in one piece. Happy that he seemed fine, he turned over on his back and touched the only button that was in the elevator, hoping that the next area let him have access to, Zim's lab. Getting on his feet, he waited for the doors to open, when they did he was greeted by blackness and complete silence. Pulling out his flashlight from his pack, he tried to turn it on, and cursed when it wouldn't do it. Beating on it, as if that always helps, he just gave up after a long sigh, and inched forward to peer out. Still not hearing or seeing anything, he kept trying to tell himself there was nothing to fear, especially when eye after lighted eye suddenly showed up in front of him, followed by thousands of growls. Not loving that sound, Dib stepped back into the elevator quickly to press the button, but was nabbed by 10 paws grabbing him and dragging him out. What quickly followed was your typical problem with hungry alien cats from another planet. They enjoyed playing, licking, playing some more, licking to see if human did taste right, then playing some more, because really the cats found whatever this human boy ate wasn't what they wanted to eat, so they batted him into a totally different shaft, transporting him into another part of the base.

Dib smelled of saliva from those cats and sea animal right now. He was breathing hard. He was already tired. He already wanted to give up, but no the fate of the world was in his hands. So tiredly standing up, Dib tried to pose, but ended up slumping against the wall. He knew, Zim ran experiments, but he actually guessed mostly on humans. That is what he saw that day when he was eating waffles. The shaft's door was sliding slowly open. There was some paranoia regarding what may be on the other side, but he had to hope for the best, which obviously was mostly paranoia written on his face since he had his eyes open, as a red light bathed him. Opening his right eye up slowly, he noticed where he was, and quickly opened up his left eye. A smile dawned on his face slowly as he recognized this area to be where, Zim took Gaz and himself years ago to see what was on Tak's disc. Walking in slowly, he went to explore around him, all the while saying, "Ohhhhhhhh." Realizing, there doesn't seem to be any traps, he went to fish out his camera to film all this.

Turning the camera on to set to record, he cleared his throat, the second he was about to hit the button, an arm came down from the ceiling with alarms blaring.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! MUST REMOVE INTRUDER NOW!" Droned on the computer in an authoritative voice.

"Hey! Put me down! Ow!" Dib yelled, then screamed as he was quickly placed into this tube with this arm still holding on to him. This was not a ride he wanted to be on ever as he felt 18 years of food threatening to come up on him at once. Then he felt something akin to his clothes practically being ripped off him, but being replaced by something soft. He couldn't see what it could be, just feel since he was in a tube right now with limited sight, but he did see a bright light come his way as he was quickly deposited back into, Zim's living room.

Groaning, he heard a very loud, "BIG HEADED SMELLY HEAD! Why does master say you stink?"

Dib looked up at, Gir's impossible innocent eyes. Well he knew he stunk right now, but big head? "I don't have a big head." Moaning, he slowly stood up trying to focus the stars out of his eye sight. "I feel horrible."

"Awwwwww but you look so purdy!" Gir commented with his tongue sticking out.

"What?" As he noticed he was wearing a pink and blue flowery dress.

Giggling, Gir quickly grabbed him by the waist and hand and started to dance around with him, just twirling and twirling around, while yelling out. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" While, Dib kept begging for him to stop, while begging for himself not to throw up.

Meanwhile, Dib had an extra audience enjoying the excitement that he provided that evening. On opposite sides of the couch, sat both, Gaz and Zim laughing at the torture that he was placed through. Gaz, had to unfortunately stop him from sending him to other rooms that would end up making her brother's demise swift, but he was fine with what he saw this evening. Seeing, Gir dancing with the Dib-Stink like that, would insure him to be possibly left alone for a while by both of them.

"Will you make sure the computer has taken a shot of my brother in that get up?" Gaz inquired, wiping some tears away from her face from all the laughter.

"Ahhh, but that has already been done since I ordered it." Zim assured her.

"Great, I want a copy of it then." Picking up a game controller, she looked over at him, "Since, Gir is keeping him busy, you wanna play?"

With a nod of his head, he caught the offered controller, left the surveillance video up on a pop up screen to monitor, Dib, so they can play Vampire Piggies 10. All the while on the tiny screen you can still see, Gir still twirling him around with Dib screaming his head off.


	2. And it begins age 14

**I will be doing random snippets of various pranks on Dib. He will be different ages. **

**This one he will be much younger, as his age is established below. It is perhaps a little darker the the first story where he was 18 years old. This is to show the beginning of the pranks happening with Zim approaching Gaz. Right now she is just an observer while Zim is the main culprit. **

* * *

Flashback to when Dib was 14.

"Hey Gaz! Going to the cemetery to prove that Dracula is living there." Dib called out excitedly as he stood next to the front door.

"Go away!" Gaz yelled back. She was upstairs, but it didn't sound like she was in her bedroom anymore.

"Well tell dad if he asks."

"Ugh... Who are you kidding? He's hardly home."

Shrugging at the obvious and saddening fact of what she just said, he started to make a list of what he had in his pack before leaving. "Oranges, bat, camera, rope, string, condom... Condom? How come a condom is in here?" Seeing Gaz stomp downstairs, he asked her, "Why is there a condom in my backpack?"

Giving him a queer look she just shook her head as she headed to the kitchen. "If you have to ask your sister that question then you must think very little of me already." Stopping she turned to face him. "Oh yeah it was for my big gang bang I had planned for next weekend."

"Gaz... Don't joke about those things. Please."

"After the string of crap you said to me in front of the entire school, what the hell did you want from me?" Handing him one final glare she turned to go into the kitchen.

Opening his mouth to try to say something he just shrugged his shoulders and headed to the cemetery instead. She was so angry all the time. He honestly didn't know what to say anymore to her. He knew he said something completely incorrect to her, but he honestly didn't know what to say in order to apologize to her.

15 minutes later while she was about to head upstairs again, the doorbell started to ring like crazy. Growling at the stupidity of people for bothering them at this hour, she decided to see who it was and possibly it would do her well to strangle someone before falling asleep tonight. Opening the door, she found Zim standing there with a friendly smile on his face. Right now she was torn between strangulation or just being nice.

In a bored voice, she asked. "Yes, Zim?"

Clearing his throat while holding one hand in front of his mouth, he replied in a businesslike manner. "Good evening, Gazlene. How are you this evening?"

Opening up one eye fully to give him a look like he just left the looney bin and was asking if she would like to be painted plaid or not, she said instead. "Zim... Why are you here?"

Leaning close to her, he whispered sinisterly in her ear, "Wanna have some fun with your brother?"

"I hope this isn't the kind of fun that involved the condom he found in his backpack." She mentioned hesitantly.

Straightening back up, he now gave her an odd look. "What? No? Wait! What is a kun-dum?"

Closing her opened eye she shook her head. "Never mind. What kind of fun?"

Stepping past her he walked quickly to the living room and turned on the t.v. Taking out a little device it showed the cemetery. "Your brother is not very secretive at what he plans to do at night with his plans."

"He wants to prove Dracula exists."

"Oh he will, but not in the way he is expecting." Winking at her, he indicated she sit down. Hearing her mutter something about it better be good, he whispered to her. "Oh it will, Gaz. It will."

* * *

Arriving at his destination, Dib immediately placed a wooden stake into his belt. Making sure it was secure and he was comfortable he took out his camera to turn it on. Focusing the camera slowly around he needed to get a shot of Dracula or possibly a ghost or maybe a zombie. As he wandered around, he felt his nerves on edge. But that was possibly adrenaline. Thinking he heard a sound, he wandered over near a mausoleum. Focusing around the mausoleum, there was nothing around it but dead weeds, so he tried the door which was locked. Shrugging, he went back to the grounds.

"Ohhhhhh"

Stopping in his tracks he felt his hair stand up on end. "Sounds like it could be a ghost." In his excitement he almost ran towards the source, but stopped himself to slowly walk to it instead.

"Ohhhhhh" It came again.

Knowing he was closer, he stopped and focused around him. Panning the camera around he kept hearing it over and over again. It was right near him, but nobody was seen. That means it was a ghost. It had to be. So there he stood. "Gaz will be sorry she is missing this. She needs to learn to LIVE!" Screaming he fell on the ground to stare in shock at a hand from the ground grabbing his leg hard. "Ahhhh let go... LET GO!" He screamed almost like a little girl as he kicked it with his other foot to disengage the hand.

"OH GOD THIS IS SO EXCITING BUT OH SO SCARY!" He called out and finally the hand let go letting him scamper away, but landing on top of another grave he was grabbed by a arm around his waist that was oozing maggots. In between wanting to hurl and wishing he had his camera on him right now but he dropped it next to the other grave. "LET GO! LET GO!" Hitting the arm, it shrunk back into ground.

Standing on his feet he quickly grabbed his camera and aimed it to the ground.

"Ohhhhhhh"

Hearing the voice next to him, he turned right to see a see through floating head next to him with maggots dropping from it to the ground near his foot. Jumping back, but still aiming the camera, he was chattering nonsense.

"I'm looking for a body to replace miiinnnnnneeeeesssssssss..." It moaned out coming at him quickly.

"I'm attached to mines still. Sorry." Dib said as he finally got his nerves back. "Oh man... Who are you? What happened to you?" He started rattling off question after question.

Face turning from pain to anger it came at him quickly. "I hate people who mock me." Knocking him down on the ground again he was rained down upon thousands of gross bugs.

Trying to scramble away, he heard yet another sound to his left to see his bat lift into the air by itself. "No, I'm not mocking you, I swear it."

Being lifted up into the air by something else, he was turned around to find a dead hardly rotting woman holding him up. "The vampire did this to me." Opening up her mouth she revealed her fangs.

Forgetting himself, he wanted to focus on her with his camera. "Oh my gosh! He exists."

Looking at the camera, she hissed. "Vampires can not be seen with cameras." She mentioned.

Cursing his stupid self, he knew it, but yet he still wanted it along with him as proof. Trying to struggle out of her grip the floating head came to him. "Let go of him I saw him first."

"Get lost buddy, he's mine."

Finally getting out of her grip he started to run for dear life out of the cemetary but try as he might he was cut off by another wandering corpse or was held down by hands from the ground. He was going so crazy trying to avoid them that when he saw his bat again along with that mystery condom being wrapped around it and preparing to come at him, he screamed and ran some more.

If he did bother to look long enough, the real Dracula did appear from inside the mausoleum complaining about the racket outside before closing it back up to attend to the victims he gathered today.

* * *

Watching her brother run around, Gaz was just laughing. "Did you know this was going to happen?"

Laughing evilly, Zim was clutching his side. "Not this much. Minimoose is doing a great job."

"Minimoose?"

"Minimoose is the floating head. The rest are hologram images that are pretty lifelike. I had to program them to do this holding. The hands from the ground are robotic."

Watching as the condom bat was following him around, she looked at the laughing alien. "Placing that condom on the bat was a nice touch."

"What is that thing? It seemed to strike fear in him more then the rest." Zim wondered as he started laughing even harder at him almost colliding with a tree.

"It is to help protect you from a sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy."

Laughing renewed at the thought of it having to protect him, but it seemed to show the opposite of it right now, he almost landed on the ground. "Glad I got it then."

"But you didn't know what a condom was."

"I didn't. I just saw it with Ms Bitters and assumed it was death and destruction because she had it, so I took it." He answered innocently.

Zim running around finally stopped when he did see Dracula. "Oh hey, Dracula." He spoke matter-of-factly before screaming for safety as a horde of corpses came after him.

Snickering, she had to admit he was right, it was death and destruction in its own way, but seriously she didn't want to think of Ms Bitters in that way. Shivering with disgust, she then started laughing again when the condom bat, vampire girl, and him went into a forced dance.

Examining her, he smiled at the demoness laughing. "Want to make this a habit?"

Wiping tears from her eyes, she nodded. "I assume you mean what is happening with Dib. Sure, yes, but don't kill my brother in the process."

"Why not?"

"Because even though he did say something so messed up to me earlier, I do know that he cares about me. He is really the only family I have." Gaz said maturely.

Nodding his head, he agreed to it. "I like you Gaz-human."

"Just call me Gaz."

"Gaz." Laughing at Dib's dance. He ventured something else with her. "Friends? Us."

"We can be friends on a trial basis." She agreed begrudgingly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm gonna barf... Oh no." Throwing up in the bushes, the corpses rose their hands up in the air in surrender and stood there waiting until he was done. Once done they put their hands down and chased him out of the cemetery.


	3. Panic

**Dib is age 15 here. :)**

* * *

The bright morning sun that blinded many of the young and old alike as they exited their homes. The birds that sung as if they were in a cartoon movie serenading a forest princess. The smiles and laughter that was associated as well with such a beautiful morning, in spite of the fact it was a weekday with full responsibilities for so many out there. Dib was always one to have a head full of responsibilities in his head as he slept, when he woke, as he walked to school, and as he sat in class watching Zim on the other side of the room just simply balancing a pencil on his claw and staring off into the distance.

Ms Bitters spoke of doom, as usual. Gritted her teeth at the usual stupid question, in her opinion, shut him up when he raised another fantastic point of Zim being an alien.

Jotting down his own personal notes, that had nothing to do with class, he noticed how the sun was fading more and more, and being replaced by increased darkness. Casually glancing out the window he noticed the storm clouds and even though they predicted glorious sunny weather for the week, Dib's smile increased more and more as he spotted a brightening in the clouds. That was lightening. His smile became bigger.

From the corner of his eye, Zim wasn't taking any notice of the sudden weather change outside, he was still staring off into the nothingness. He couldn't wait to see him panic then try to worm himself away from that panic by pretending how he loved rain.

Looking back out the window, Dib could of sworn he was drooling in anticipation. Oh come on rain. Come down hard. He had to fight the urge to laugh.

"Ms Bitters? My mom said that I came from a stork. Is that true?"

Dib had no clue who could of asked that question, he didn't care to place the name to that voice right now, but his smile wiped off quickly at how stupid it was. Ms Bitters was gritting her teeth in annoyance. She raised her eyebrow up at the absurdity of that question in itself. He even chanced to glance at Zim, who held the most dumbfounded expression of all before he smacked his own forehead, and resumed staring. Guess he had to give him credit in knowing that part of human life.

Ms Bitters glided past him up the aisle. "No! You are 15 and you believe in that... Idiotic notion?" Gliding past him to her desk, she prepared to press the button. "Out of my class." Button pressed, all the students gasped except Zim and himself who both just shrugged at the normalcy of that now.

"Now students I want you to read chapters 12 through 30 and do not talk to me. I've had enough of your nonsense." She ordered.

In the distance he heard the faint sound of thunder. Once again his smile started to twitch up since it was forgotten for a bit. He wasn't aware that he was starting to grip his desk until he heard more thunder. Lightening was lighting up the sky in the distance. Dib thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. Then little speckles of rain started to spit against the window. And still Zim was in another world. For a moment he wondered what he was thinking about until he heard a harder speckle of rain right next to him along with a couple of strong thunder and lightening strikes. Some of the girls gasped. He didn't care.

Zim finally took notice as one eye went wide and focused beyond him out the window.

Dib kept smiling more now, and the whole sky opened up next to him. Darkness enfolded around them. The whole school. All you can hear was the rain beating down on the windows, the roof, and the whole school ground. Both Zim's eyes widened in terror. The kids around them started murmuring all sorts of stuff, but it was Zim, Dib was paying attention to. Even when lightening lit up the entire class, and Zim finally looked upon his evil grin as he stared at him.

Zim had no brave words, he gripped the side of his desk with his claws and looked down. Dib saw his rapid breathing. He was privately suffering over there. The idiots still believed him to be human when it was obvious he was an alien. Dib wanted to laugh evilly. He wanted to stand on top of his desk and just laugh at him. Defeating his enemy by Mother Nature alone. How amazing was that?

Jotting something on his notepad, Dib bunched it up and tossed it to Zim where it conveniently landed right on his desk. Slowly reaching to the piece of paper, he opened it up, read it, tore it up, and hissed right at him. The glare Zim was sending him was short lived when another piece of lightening appeared with the wind picking up and making the rain slamming the window even more harder then before. He was in a state of having a nervous breakdown.

This was turning out to be a perfect day. Grinning ear to ear. He laughed when he heard the loud speaker turn on.

_Faculty and Students!_

At this time we have to make this an early school day.

For any student that doesn't have anyone at home at the present time, please come to the office so we may call your parent or guardian to pick you up.

Due the severity of the weather it is advisable for you all to go home.

Thank you and be safe.

This is your Principal Lean Nervers

Oh this day will be getting any better. Quickly standing up from his seat, he watched as all the others ran past him, walking up to Zim he leaned over to him. "I hope you enjoy walking home in the rain, Space boy." Laughing, he strolled into the hall and told Gaz he will be out front waiting.

Zim, alone now in the classroom and frozen to his spot as he listened to the torturous sound of the blasted evil rain. He honestly had a hard time thinking clearly. The Dib-stink is going to win. He refused for him to win. He could call up Gir to bring the Voot Cruiser, but he gave him permission to join some girls on a camping trip to just get him out of his way. He can wait it out.

Feeling something go around his body, he jumped up to find Gaz in front of him wearing her purple jacket and an umbrella. She glanced out the window before looking back at him before handing him a black umbrella.

"Bend down a little." She instructed. He must of had a questioning look on his face because she repeated herself. "Bend down a little."

Doing as she wanted, she stepped towards him to reach behind him and moved a hood to cover his head. Stepping back, she examined him. "It isn't much, but it should get you home without too much fizzle. Use the umbrella. The slicker and that is yours. I bought it a while ago just in case." Turning around she started to walk easily away from him.

"Why though?" Zim asked as he felt the fabric against him.

Not turning to look at him, she sighed. "Well if we are friends, then that is what friends do, I heard. Also this isn't a way to fight fair in my opinion. I know you pranked him, but you still are giving him a strong fighting chance. He wasn't giving you one today, so I'm giving you one." Sparing him a quick glance, she added. "You will not use me again as an umbrella ever again."

Walking out the hall to watch her leave, he smiled. "But it felt nice." He said softly before he strolled down the hall in fuller confidence then before.

Outside, Dib waited for Zim to emerge. He wanted to see the panic. He wanted to see him try to make a run for it. He wanted to see him... What?!

Zim exiting with his full slicker and umbrella, he smiled at Dib and nodded. Walking towards that first step, he commented. "It really does feel refreshing in spite of all this wetness." Extending the umbrella out, he stepped under it and strutted off just whistling some unknown tune.

At the door, Dib stood slack jaw as he watched Zim walk off unharmed still uttering, "What?"

Gaz standing to the side, smiled softly as she extended her own umbrella out. Stepping forward, she wiped off her smile to look at her brother in a deadpanned expression. "You coming or are you gonna keep looking at Zim's rear?" Still getting no reaction, she shrugged and made her way out into the pouring rain.

When she was far enough away from the school, she was met up by Zim who stopped long enough for some cover to wait for her. Knowing how she wasn't too fond of terms of endearment and they were still feeling out their friendship, the way they both looked at one another was enough to know how grateful he was for her help today.


End file.
